People They Like

“People Do Business With People They Like” (EP.78)

In Business, Connection, Podcast by Will Luden2 Comments

Summary

“People do business with people they like.” Simple truth. And a double-edged sword. Here are two helpful corollary quotes. “People like people who are like themselves.” Tie that to the first quote, and you see that people see themselves belonging to defined affinity groups, and gravitate toward other members of those groups. Now for the third quote, “We are all like each other in many important ways.” All. Of. Us. Give me less than ten minutes, and we’ll unpack this in a way that will be useful to you. (And, yes, I am quoting myself in this podcast.)

Transcript

“People do business with people they like.” Simple truth. And a double-edged sword. Here are two helpful corollary quotes. “People like people who are like themselves.” Tie that to the first quote, and you see that people see themselves belonging to defined affinity groups, and gravitate toward other members of those groups. Now for the third quote, “We are all like each other in many important ways.” All. Of. Us. Give me less than ten minutes, and we’ll unpack this in a way that will be useful to you. (And, yes, I am quoting myself in this podcast.)

Take these three observations, and you have a roadmap for success. Let’s look at each of the three steps:

  1. “People do business with people they like.” Be likable because it is true that people do business with people they like. By “business” I mean any kind of transaction, not just cash in exchange for a product or services. Any human transaction or exchange.
  2. “People like people who are like themselves.” This is the first clue to how to be likeable–assuming that you already know that being rude or antagonistic are both “being likable” knockouts. So, you might ask, what if it is not obvious that we are alike? Answer, we are all more alike than we are different. Yes, all of us.

Take a look at the above drawing; there are two messages here: 1. We have more in common with each other than we have differences and 2. By working together, by using each other’s strengths to makeup for our weaknesses, the whole is far greater than the sum of its parts.  

  1. “We are all like each other in many important ways.” Look for the common ground with the other person(s), the areas that we are alike. We all share our humanity, and on top of that we all share a gold mine of similarities; shared geography, what we like, what we don’t like, pets and hobbies, ambitions, fears–the list is literally endless. The key to uncovering these similarities, these connections, because that’s what they are, is to ask open ended questions. And keep asking. People do love to talk about themselves. There is a second key here (but Will, I thought you said there was one key), is to actually care about the other person as you are asking questions and looking to discover connections. This podcast is not an exercise in manipulation, this is an exercise in connecting. This “second” key is fundamental to everything in life. The first key that I spoke about is specific to what we are talking about today.

Learn these skills, practice them often, and use them to your advantage, and to benefit all those around you.

These are tools; use them well.

But, Will, what if I don’t like that other person, what do I do then? Let’s look at a Lincoln quote, “I don’t like that man. I must  get to know him better.” -Abraham Lincoln, 16th President of the United States. Stunning. For many of us, if we don’t like someone the impulse is to avoid them whenever possible, and, perhaps, to criticize them we are not around them. The last thing we want to do is connect with them. Not Abe; he seemed to understand that if he got to know the other person better, that he could find things to like–perhaps even admire. Seems like he had his own version of these three steps.

Earlier we talked about how this podcast is not an exercise in manipulation. But the powerful skills we are talking about here, like all tools, are in and of themselves value-neutral. A gun can be used for good or evil, as can money. Personal skills, like the ones I am describing, can also be used for ill or for good. Politicians, those clever dogs, frequently use their personal skills to manipulate. The obvious technique is to make themselves look like us, to look like a man or woman of the people. In front of different audiences they will give very different speeches, with different references and different main points–sometimes even affecting accents and using slang that appeals to the crowd in front of them. That kind of behavior is appealing in a chameleon, but should be a huge red flag in a politician. It is much worse when they use Identity Politics, their view of our similarities, to pit us against each other–for their benefit, of course.

Let’s go back to the drawing. Politicians and the media (who frequently act like politicians) and others use the marginal differences we have to divide us to their advantage. Inherent characteristics like race and gender, and chosen differences like political leanings and other preferences, while real, are superficial when compared to the core of who we are. Things like hopes and dreams, shared drives to make life better for our family and friends–and our overall communities. We all have fears and worries. We struggle to know if there is a God, and to know Him if we do believe. Many of us strive to leave the world a better place when we leave than when we entered. Finding our places in the world, finding discipline, looking for love, fighting loneliness, sometimes wondering if we are good parents, or good children. Wanting to share our accomplishments with people who care and yearning to be known–and loved at the same time. These are our common grounds. Shame on those who use our marginal differences to their benefit.

Join with me in using our skills to everyone’s advantage. Remember, Revolution 2.0 is coming. Please stand by…

Links and References

I must  get to know him better

Identity Politics

Contact

As we get ready to wrap up, please do reach out with comments or questions about this podcast or anything that comes to mind.  You can email me at will@resultswithreason.com, or connect with me on Twitter, Facebook, and LinkedIn. And you can subscribe to the podcast on your favorite device through Apple Podcasts, Google, or Stitcher.

Frequency

I publish two podcasts each week; mid-day on Tuesday and Friday. Every week. I am also considering doing these as videos on YouTube, and would love to get your thoughts.

Let’s apply the two Results With Reason main tenets to today’s issues. The two main tenets that we believe in at Results With Reason are:

  1. Personal Responsibility; practice it, teach it and
  2. Be Your Brother’s Keeper.

Today’s application is again straightforward:

  1. Personal Responsibility. Engage with others in the political issues you find on these podcasts. Whether or not you agree with everything your hear or read at here Results With Reason, don’t be afraid to stand up for what you believe, for what you know to be true.
  2. Be your Brother’s Keeper. Be patient with each other; some will understand what you saying immediately, others will not. Teach and encourage; don’t criticize and reject. Love and lead. Remember, we are all in this together.

Now it is time for our usual parting thought. It is not enough to be informed. It is not enough to be a well informed voter. We need to act.  And if we, you and I, don’t do something, then the others who are doing something, will continue to run the show.

Remember: Knowledge by itself is the booby prize.

Will Luden, writing to you from my home office at 7,200’ in Colorado Springs.

Will Luden
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Will Luden

As an author, speaker, public company board chair, family man, a man with many friends (and friends-to-be), citizen and a child of God, I am driven to contribute. One way to for me to contribute is to start thought-provoking discussions.My overall objective is to stimulate “Passionate, Relentless, Reasoning.” My specific goals include getting people to act (only) after Reasoning.
Will Luden
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Comments

  1. I was in discussion recently with a gentleman who ran for office for the first time and lost. As he shared with me his difficulties in reaching a broader constituency, I encouraged him to think more on this same topic!
    As always, I bow to your ability to find absolute clarity on, well, just about everything. 👍

    1. Author

      Amanda, let’s bow to each other. And pass the world along. I am on a mission here–and admire your passion and convictions. Cheers, Will

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