Love Pre-Existing

Love As A Pre-existing Condition (EP.79)

In Love, Podcast, Responsibility by Will Luden5 Comments

Summary

“If I speak with the languages of men and of angels, but don’t have love, I have become sounding brass, or a clanging cymbal.” -The Apostle Paul, writing to the people of Corinth Later we’ll see that the Dalai Lama says something quite similar. What a wonderful reminder to me, as I struggle to get my thoughts and words exactly right two times a week, every week. If I do not ground everything that I do, including this podcast, in love, I am just a(nother) clanging cymbal.

Healthcare in general, and pre-existing conditions in particular, are much in the news. Let’s talk about love as a pre-existing condition.

Transcript

“If I speak with the languages of men and of angels, but don’t have love, I have become sounding brass, or a clanging cymbal.” -The Apostle Paul, writing to the people of Corinth. Later we’ll see that the Dalai Lama says something quite similar. What a wonderful reminder to me, as I struggle to get my thoughts and words exactly right two times a week, every week. If I do not ground everything that I do, including this podcast, in love, I am just a(nother) clanging cymbal.  

Healthcare in general, and pre-existing conditions in particular, are much in the news. Let’s talk about love as a pre-existing condition.

Prior to 2014, pre-existing medical conditions were not covered by health  insurance. If you had a serious condition, you could not get care unless you were able to pay for it out-of-pocket–if you couldn’t, you would continue to suffer. A pre-existing medical condition is a negative.

Let’s look at love as a pre-existing heart condition. Unlike pre-existing medical conditions, love as a pre-existing condition is a positive. And more than that, I am making the case that it is a requirement. It is a requirement if you want to make things better. If your focus is on simply being right, then steer away from loving others; loving others will conflict with your desire to win, your desire to be right, and will push you, inexorably, into finding what is right rather than being right. Starting with finding what is right for the other person.

And there’s another difference. Pre-existing medical conditions are unwanted, and the struggle is to rid ourselves of them. Love, seen here as a pre-existing condition, is terribly fragile, and will vanish in a moment if we are not focused and committed. Just as we fight to rid ourselves of medical conditions, we must fight to seize–and to hold onto–love as a pre-existing and, ideally, an always-existing, permanent condition. Here’s a quote, “Love is coming through for the other person when you don’t much want to.” -Will Luden

Today’s key point (yes, it comes early in the podcast today): You cannot–cannot–love another and focus on being right and making them wrong. Pick one.

None of this means that you cannot work to persuade. Spend a bit of time getting to know something about the other person. What makes them tick. It is easy to find out what they believe by asking open-ended questions, now find out why they believe it. Open ended questions like, “That was helpful; how did you come to that conclusion?” Compare that with, “What? So you are a Trumpist” or, “What? So you are a Never-Trumper? (pick one one of those–neither leads to a useful discussion).

After you have established some sort of a connection, shown genuine interest, “Earn(ed) the right to be heard.” as some put it. And I like the way they put it. After that, you have a reasonable chance to be heard yourself. No, now is not the time to state your beliefs, start with where they are (now that you actually know where they are), and gently lead them toward your thinking. And, who knows, you might even learn something from them by following this path. Learn something about them, gain a new perspective on your own beliefs–or simply make a new friend. Yes, we can be friends with people who do not share our convictions and beliefs.

Oh, follow-on key point: Stick with issues, and avoid labels like the plague. Unpacking issues can lead to shared learning, finding common ground and the beginning of the discovery of the truth that we are all in this together. Hurling labels, or even simply declaring them, leads to a discussion impasse at best, and deeper division at worst. Likely the latter.

Let’s work on what the goals are here. If the goal is to be right, you don’t need this podcast–just have at it.

Pound away with your convictions, likely stated in the form of cliches and biases. If that does not work, go to insults until the opponent gives up and goes away. Then puff yourself up and declare victory. Others who think like you will give you a high five, or a “like.” And your opponent, isn’t that how you saw him, will walk away, unconvinced of anything save that you might just well be the enemy. Remember, none of this is possible if you start out with love for the other person.

If the goal is to respect each other, exchange points of view and beliefs, look for common goals and reach them together, then this podcast is indeed for you. Remember. Remember we spoke earlier about how hard this is. Loving as a pre-existing condition, a permanent condition, may very well be the hardest thing that you will ever do. And the most worthwhile.

Let’s come through for each other by loving each other all the time–all the time. especially when we don’t much want to. Here’s another quote, “Love and compassion are necessities, not luxuries. Without them, humanity cannot survive.” –Dalai Lama XIV

Join with me in using what we know how to to–what we know we must do–to everyone’s advantage. Remember, Revolution 2.0 is coming. Please stand by…

Links and References

Gratitude

“…clanging cymbal.”

You can be right, or you can change the world around you…”

(The above is text only–prior to the addition of the podcast.)

Contact

As we get ready to wrap up, please do reach out with comments or questions about this podcast or anything that comes to mind.  You can email me at will@resultswithreason.com, or connect with me on Twitter, Facebook, and LinkedIn. And you can subscribe to the podcast on your favorite device through Apple Podcasts, Google, or Stitcher.

Frequency

I publish two podcasts each week; mid-day on Tuesday and Friday. Every week. I am also considering doing these as videos on YouTube, and would love to get your thoughts.

Let’s apply the two Results With Reason main tenets to today’s issues. The two main tenets that we believe in at Results With Reason are:

  1. Personal Responsibility; practice it, teach it and
  2. Be Your Brother’s Keeper. Be patient with each other; when people truly need a hand up and not a hand out, be there. Teach and encourage; don’t criticize and reject. Love and lead. Remember, we are all in this together.

Now it is time for our usual parting thought. It is not enough to be informed. It is not enough to be a well informed voter. We need to act.  And if we, you and I, don’t do something, then the others who are doing something, will continue to run the show.

Remember: Knowledge by itself is the booby prize.

Will Luden, writing to you from my home office at 7,200’ in Colorado Springs.

 

Will Luden
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Will Luden

As an author, speaker, public company board chair, family man, a man with many friends (and friends-to-be), citizen and a child of God, I am driven to contribute. One way to for me to contribute is to start thought-provoking discussions.My overall objective is to stimulate “Passionate, Relentless, Reasoning.” My specific goals include getting people to act (only) after Reasoning.
Will Luden
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Comments

    1. Author

      Hi Diane, nothing amazing going on here. As much as anything else, my blogs/podcasts are a way of my working to put myself on the right path, and keeping myself there as much as possible. What’s wonderful and amazing is people like you who take the time to absorb and respond. Cheers, Will

  1. Really good points here, Will. Getting started in a meaningful conversation can be a challenge, though. Some people are so entrenched in name calling and labeling that they can see nothing else. If one is patient and works at staying focused on the issues as you suggest, the conversation can move to a reasonable position.

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